A year ago my husband left me for a woman 20 years younger than me. It seems like a cliche, but it actually happened. Though it was really tough at the beginning it offered me an invitation to a new awareness. As I then saw it: Younger meant more value, and a prettier woman, and a lot of other things, like being more youthful, fun and active.
At first I felt devastated. I felt old, discarded, and thrown on the scrapheap. It came at a particularly bad time, as I had recently lost my mother. And it wasn’t a kind way to find out, because what I learned was that he had already started this relationship instead of telling me he wanted to leave before he did. I was having menopausal symptoms, I felt old, tired and stabbed in the back. I had all the feelings and thoughts you would assume that anyone would go through after being left by their husband for a woman 20 years younger.
We have all of these expectations for how we are supposed to feel and react to things. It’s almost like we don’t really have a choice but to go into the prescribed set of reactions. So there was already an awareness of reactions and feelings being put on from the outside, we so desperately want to appear normal, right?
I realized that the ”age issue” started before he even left, as I actually tried to ”help” my then husband by trying to take on his age issues (he was going to be 50), not that that ever works. But that is what we often try to do, we try to help others by taking on their stuff, their ideas and judgements. It’s cute and sweet but not so bright, at least not in our own best interests.
So, I had been feeling old, and used up, and unwanted.
After my ex-husband moved out, I started asking about it and did a lot of questioning:
Who does this belong to?
Return to sender with awareness attached!
Interesting point of view I have this point of view.
How can I use this to my advantage?
These are powerful questions using the tools of Access Consciousness. After I asked those questions for a time, and sat with the energy of them, I realized that I could choose to receive and tap into youthful energy! I didn’t have to buy into all the beliefs of how I was supposed to feel, or about what it means to be a certain age!
I started to have a lot more vibrant energy for me!
I can tell you that once you stop buying the beliefs and judgements of others there is a lo-o-o-ot of free energy you can use for more fun stuff!
Once I started to get that all those unhappy points of view were not mine, I started asking some questions that were even more fun!
“What would it take for some handy eye candy to show up in my life?” Having a lover 10 years younger than me show up the next day, didn’t make it less fun 😉 !
Since then, when I sometimes notice that I ”feel” old and tired kind of after work, there is a great question that I use! It dawned on me, that when I feel that way, it really isn’t MY age that I am feeling, and so I ask:
Who’s age am I being?
What if that feeling old, more stiff and tired is not actually mine? I only work with colleagues a little older than me now.
How much of their judgements and beliefs around aging am I buying into/doing?
I have also become very aware of the whole ”market place” culture that we live in, where companies are selling things like cosmetics and surgery, and chemicals to make us ”feel” better about ourselves. This is an industry wants us to feel like we are less worthy, and need to buy their products to look and feel better.
And all the ideas, around getting burned-out, of how much you can do and you have to prioritize, cut down and do less…No, I tell you, it only decreases the energy. You can’t really save yourself and get energized. And no I don’t mean to not listen to your body and be abusive to it, of course you might also need resting periods. And I don’t mean the other way around either were you are constantly made to believe you must work hard and do intense physical training. Where nothing is valued unless it was hard. There is a great lie as I see it of trying to focus or prioritize and start to cut out things…doesn’t seem to work on me, at least. If I add fun stuff instead, my energy levels start to rise. So I’m suggesting that if you start asking yourself:
”What can I add to my life today that would be fun for me?
And start at least taking 10-30 minutes to do things you really enjoy, and watch the difference. And I get it might actually have been a while since you allowed yourself to have fun and do things just because you like it. So start with easy things, maybe you really like to swim, have coffee with your friend, feel the sun on your skin…whatever it is go do it. And notice new (or as it often is old things long forgotten) start showing up.
Remember when you were young and did things just because it was fun? How much energy you had then?
When I discovered I could tap into that youthful energy, instead of feeling discarded and left for a younger woman (oh the drama) it actually helped me get out of the working hard, being over serious and too much of an ”adult” mode, inviting more playful energy and getting heaps more energized. And I actually started having way more fun.
For me I started writing, something I always wanted to do but never allowed myself to explore, or have fun with. And new things just magically add themselves 🙂
The processes and questions found in this text are from Access Consciousness which was founded by Gary Douglas and Dr. Dain Heer and is among other things a set of tools which assist people in becoming more conscious about the way in which they move through the world. You can find more information about Access by visiting www.accessconsciousness.com or by getting in touch with me